The Lecture
by EloraCooper4
Summary: Collins comes to lecture a friend’s class on the beauty of love.


Note: Hey all. I wrote this for the "rentinspired" community for the challenge of "love is everything." Fyi, I made a thousand references to many different things in this story. The big ones are that I stole Ben from "Queer as Folk" and words from the poem "Funeral Blues" by W.H. Auden. And the song "Together Again" by Janet Jackson was sampled I would say. Enjoy.

Ben Bruckner's eyes scanned his students as they prepared for another day. The atmosphere of the classroom had been an emotional roller coaster between a bashing of a fellow student and the looming of the President's Amendment that would alienate most of his students from marriage forever. They needed a break. And he knew just the man who could offer that.

"Hello, class, today we're going to do something a little different," He said standing up from his chair and smiling at his students. The youth of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania didn't seem to upset about this and put away their notes. "I asked an old friend to come in and speak to you. He was one of my professors, back in the dark ages."

"Maybe you were around in the dark ages, Ben, I sure as hell wasn't," A bellow came from the back of the lecture hall. The students turned around to see a large black man with a leather coat and a woven cap on his head. He had a pair of glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose, and he was leaning on a cane. Beside him was a man who seemed many years younger, a blonde with his own pair of glasses. The younger man sighed as if he was trying to get the other to behave himself more often.

Ben just laughed, "I'm sorry, Collins. Everyone, this is Professor Thomas Collins. And his friend, Mark."

Mark waved sheepishly and moved to help Collins walk down the stairs. But Collins would have nothing of it. "I can handle it, Cohen," He told him as he slowly walked down the steps, putting all of the weight of his body on the cane. Mark let him go down himself but shadowed him just in case he fell. "Sometimes I think Mark is worse than a personal nurse."

"Jenny was nice," Mark grumbled, "Not that you listened to her."

Collins just chuckled, "Stop that, Markie, your confuse the youth. Go sit down and behave yourself." The blonde only sighed and sat down. Ben went over to meet Collins and helped him up the stage. "Hi, Ben."

"Hi, professor," Ben said with a shining smile. "Here take a seat."

Collins shook his head, "No, I'm gonna stand at that podium. It's been ages since I've lectured. Might as well get the chance while I can." He pointed to Mark as if to say that he better not argue with him.

Ben looked over his students, some had confused looks on their faces and others had looks of amusement. Anything was probably better than going over the homosexual undertones of the Iliad for three hours. He turned to Collins and put his hand on his back. "If I can finish my introduction now…"

"You do that," Collins said with a smile as he adjusted the glasses on his face.

"Professor Collins was my advisor when I was an undergraduate, even though his a philosopher and I'm a sociologist. I liked him better, because I could talk to him. He didn't see himself as an elitist. In fact, I'm probably a professor today because of him. And even more importantly, when I was diagnosed with HIV, he was there to help me," Ben explained, Collins only smiled gently here and there in response to his words. "He is my mentor. I hope that you'll learn something from him today." The professor nodded and patted Collins' back. "Go for it."

Collins chuckled, "I'm not as eloquent as you are Bruckner but I'll try." He scratched the back of his neck. "Sometimes," He said in a loud voice, his lecture voice, "It's hard to get a grasp on this life. Between the violence and intolerance that is on the streets, sometimes you loose perspective on what's important. Especially as a gay man, woman, or even a concerned straight person with politics, religion that influence the gay culture of today sometimes you forget why you're fighting for equal rights. Equality. You forget." He shrugged looking around the room at the young faces before him. "Today, I'm going to remind you what you're fighting for."

His dark hand reached up to readjust his glasses before he began again, "Before I get to the punchline, let me paint a picture for you. The picture of my life. Don't worry, I'm not as boring as I look. I wasn't born on a summers day in a log cabin. I was born in the back of a taxi cab in the projects of New York City. And my parents weren't the social darlings of suburbia, my father was a hit man and my mother was a prostitute. That was the life I was born into. And I went to school like a normal kid, but it didn't have flowing water or even decent books. When we were in school we would talk mostly, about things that aren't on the core curriculum standards. Once, I remember we had a conversation about love. And I asked my peers what love was and they said it was the way that your mommy and your daddy treat each other," Collins coughed for a moment and then readjusted the microphone in front of him, his hand shaking slightly, "My parents they smacked each other more than they kissed. Yelled more than they talked. That was just the way they were. And well, if that was love, I decided at a young age that I wanted nothing to do with it. For a long time, I didn't."

"Somehow, I got good enough grades to get a scholarship to a decent college," Collins explained, "And that's when I realized the whole gay thing." A few students chuckled, "And well I also discovered that sex was pretty awesome," More students laughed, "I think it's the normal college experience. But seriously, I had fun in college. Somehow I managed to get good grades and party like a crazy person. And when I was partying and having sex, it was never about love. I was a philosophy major and I was convinced there was no such thing. It was a delusion that people made up to make themselves not feel so alone. That's the trick though, I was alone." He looked up to Mark and smiled softly.

"Then I found some friends. Including this albino over here," Collins nodded to Mark with a smile. "And they made me believe that yeah, okay, friendship love existed. While I did realize this I was still fucking like a rabbit. Any hot guy. But I always asked. Always. Condemns, not so much, but I always asked. And one night, someone lied to me. There I was, HIV positive and alone with only my scared and confused friends to guide me. But they did. They saved me from despair. And I lived on."

"For my PhD I decided to go to MIT. I figured, hey, Providencetown is in that state, I'm there," Collins smirked as more students giggled to themselves. "But things didn't work out there. For reasons that we won't discuss…" Mark rolled his eyes which only made Collins smirk larger. "So I came home just in time for Christmas Eve. And all of you who weren't paying attention, here's the time to listen in. It's the punchline folks." He leaned in and said quietly into the microphone, "I got the ever loving shit beaten out of me. It was New York," He threw his hands in the air, "Not much of a surprise there. But as I lay there bleeding, someone came to save me. An angel. And no, this is not going to be a religious thing so don't you worry. It was my Angel."

Collins' face lit up as he recalled the events, "He leaned down and asked me if I was ok. His eyes met mine and let me tell you, I felt like someone had put rocket fuel in my veins. Even though I felt like shit, I felt like I could go dancing. He was so loving and caring, offering help to a perfect stranger with such loving eyes. He held out his hand to me and helped me up. Then he brought me back to his place and he took care of me. For all he knew I could have been a con artist. It wouldn't have been the first time that something of the like happened in New York. But he trusted me. And I trusted him."

"The world changed that day. Drastically. And it was only when I saw him come out in a lovely Santa dress, yes, he was a drag queen, it was only then that I realized. Those romantics, the hallmark cards…they weren't so off. In a matter of minutes I had fallen in love with a total stranger. And his name was Angel." Collins paused to reach up and wipe a tear from his eye. "It only took us a day and we were living together. Apparently, he fell in love with me just as quickly. It was…it was like there was a light shining on the two of us. Only us. And it gave us energy and hope and dreams. It was everything."

"And let me tell you something," Collins said leaning on the podium, "If you think sex with a stranger you couldn't give a shit about is good, go fall in love and then you'll be experiencing orgasms that last ages. I kid you not," Quiet laughter erupted from the students. "Yeah, the sex was great. But the amazing thing is that there were times that were better. The times when we would just lay there together, preferably naked, and just listen to each other breath. To know another person so well…that you can memorize their heartbeats…that feeling…the pillow talk. The pillow talk about absolutely nothing. Monkeys, trapeze artists, dancing, and tequila. Those quiet moments when you touch…that's when your souls make love. And that, my friends, is more exhilarating than you can imagine."

Collins took a deep breath and then said, "To quote a good man 'He was my north, my south, my east, and west. My summer's eve and my midday rest.' Or something like that. Then he continues with, 'I thought love would last forever. I was wrong.' He could have written my life right there. Angel had HIV just like me. And after eleven beautiful months, he was taken from me. That was…how long ago Mark?"

His friend's eyes were swollen and he said quietly, "Twelve years."

"Twelve," Collins nodded slowly. "Shit, I feel old." A few students laughed nervously. "But now, twelve years later, I still love him. No, I'm not the type of person that goes to visit a gravestone every day, because that's not him. He was too warm to be made out of stone. Every smile, every kiss that I see on the street, I see him behind them. Every sunny day I know that he's smiling down on me. And every rainy day, I know he's crying for me. Missing me." He looked down at the podium for a moment and then raised his head, "I don't want you to think that I've stopped living. I've gone on some misguided dates here and there. But I know that Angel was my soul mate. She…he made me believe in love. And I still believe in it today. And I know when I leave here…which is probably sooner rather than later, we're gonna be together again. Knowing that we'll be reunited, it gives me that same feeling. That there is a light shining on me. I have energy, hope, and dreams, because I know that our love will last forever."

Collins cleared his voice as it was getting slightly hoarse, "So what should you get from this? Well, it's simple. Love is everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. When you get out there on the picket lines, write an editorial, or even shake your head at a messed up politician, just remember, you're doing it for love. So that you and your peers can find the loves of their lives and live with them without fear and with the same rights as straight couples. Cause when it comes down to it, that fierce intense love is universal. It happens between two men, two women, and one man and one woman. We have to respect that love and fight for its recognition. Whatever the form." He stopped then, looking out among the students. Then he nodded, "Thanks."

Ben and his students clapped fervently for Collins while Mark just smiled. Collins had come a long way, with a lot of pain and heartache. But as long as Collins still had the memory of Angel in his life, he would be just fine.


End file.
